So...remember that post I just BARELY posted about my son winning the Vice-Presidency? Um...yea. Disregard that. He has officially been "removed" from the position for too many reasons to elaborate on here. Suffice it to say, the last major infraction was being dumb enough to take the knife he got from scouts to school, put it in his desk, and then show people. I'm rescinding any previously made comments on my son's brilliance, because apparently he's none too smart when it comes to the ol' common sense. He's just lucky he wasn't suspended (and so am I...cause then what do I do with him?) It's been a ROUGH year so far, and it seems that almost nothing we're doing is getting through yet. I've lost more sleep and cried more tears over this child than I should have in his short (10 year) life. And even more in the last few months than ever. We're doing all we can--medication, counseling, talking/teaching, we switched him to a different class, he's meeting regularly with the bishop (yep...he's only 10, but his offenses are serious enough to warrant some theological help), and he and I are getting up at 5:00 every morning to pray and read talks from lds.org with each other. (Please don't think I'm that great for getting up with him early...if we had been better at scripture and prayer as a family all along I think a lot of this would've been better than it is). The getting up at 5 is my favorite thing, though. Don't get me wrong...it's hard! But I have gotten so much out of it! I am LOVING reading from the modern day prophets and apostles, and the words we're reading have helped me so much. (We're on our 4th week of getting up every morning, and I'm quite excited to say that we haven't missed once!)
Unfortunately, I'm feeling like nothing is working with Cooper. The first week there was amazing "change" it looked like. But it has started to feel like still a lot of the same, and it is so frustrating! My principal (also in my bishopric) keeps telling me it's a marathon, not a sprint, and I get that. But it is so hard when you feel like you're doing all you can and nothing is working. And it's your child whose life is in question. It breaks my heart. But I guess I was sent this child to help me learn patience, LONG-SUFFERING, and love and acceptance for challenging children. I know that I'm learning a lot. But it is hard.
One of the hardest things is how people judge me as a parent (or how I think they're judging me) when he acts like such a jerk, or is dishonest or disobedient or mean or whatever he does. I have to believe that someday he'll get there, though, and that people who know us know what we're dealing with.
Anyway...didn't mean for this to be a "boo-hoo" post, but it kind of sounds like it is. Sorry! Any of you with ADHD/ODD/OCD kids out there---I feel your pain! But I do think someday they'll be the leaders they have the potential to be! (If we can keep them on the straight & narrow, that is.......)
7 comments:
Don't apologize for the post! I love that people can blog about the bad too. I like to know what's going on with people. I'm really sorry about the struggles. Truly, you have to just have faith that after you do all you can that it's in the Lord's hand and on His timetable. You're doing the best you can and you'll be blessed because of it. :) Here's a hug for you.
Jenny, he is so lucky to have you as a mother. Thanks for the post. I appreciate your honesty. I'm sure many mothers out there do.
I have pretty much done the same thing as far as discipline etc. with all three of my girls, but one un-named daughter is just always testing and pushing the limits. She has a very strong personality, and truly has the potential of being a great leader if I can channel her energy in the right direction. The thing that helps with her is alone time with parents (fun non-nagging, non-correcting time) Good luck. There was a talk Pres. Faust gave at an area conference, and I love that he said "you should never judge other parents when they have difficult or disobedient children, because spirits come with a predisposition for their personalities, some get lots of easy kids and some get more challenging kids."
Yuck. I didn't realize it was so bad. I'm sorry. But like I said when you came to visit me in UT when your boys were little, "I'll be calling you to come visit in a few years when my kids are this age and driving me crazy." I'll probably be calling you in a few years when Owen gets older and saying, "HELP!" Learn all you can so you can teach others (me) later. :) Love yer guts.
Great post, and for some ridiculous reason I'm sitting here crying. Must be this damn baby inside of me. Get out already. Anyway, I know you're doing all you can, and someday, you will be rewarded, and Cooper will thank you for not giving up on him. Keep on trucking!
It always feels like there are millions of lookers on saying, Man what is that parents problem?, what happend to that kid?, I could do so much better!.
We are all the while thinking where does this child get this stuff? I surely have taught him better! We even blame ourselves and take the evil looks and feel guilt.
Truly though, only the ignorant are harsh. Everyone else knows that children, are just children. Each has a different learning curve. Each of mine do that is for sure.
Little Bri out of nowhere one year kept coming home with "Naughty Notes" the schools "You didn't make your Day" program. Swell.
Two weeks ago he brought a note saying, Brian pulled down some kids pants! Your kid does not make their day! That is the entire gist of the note...Gee please don't elaborate. So I ask him and it was not nearly what they made it out to be. A small period of tiem later he is
Mr.Trustworthy, and His PE teacher loves him to death.
And oh the Griffey Stories.
I know it had nothing to do with what I did. He will get there. I am sure he does lots of sweet, amazing things. Review the list! :)
My neice, the daughter of my older sister, posted on her blog site about Palin selected as running mate, and many comments were to the effect: "Palin should stay home and raise her family"...and others, but one got my hackles up. The comment basically said: "...Palin isn't a very good parent...(regarding her daughter's out-of-wedlock pregnancy).." Being judgemental of a situation they knew nothing about nor had experience concerning. I HAD to comment. I said: "Don't judge how good a parent someone is based on their children's behavior. I raised my children well, but they have made choices that I did NOT teach them. Until you have walked those shoes, you have no perimeters to judge anyone."
You are doing the right things - you are showing your child love and helping them see there are other choices they can make. I had a child that was difficult, and told me lies, and it was hard to trust for years and years. They grew out of it, finally! You have my prayers.
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